BE ENCOURAGED
It’s been a while since I have written, and up till now I didn’t know what to write about, because I felt if I do not have
sufficient testimonies, what shall I encourage people on.
I was about to begin my day when the title dropped in my mind, and I felt it’s for someone. Therefore, I had to write after months of not writing.
Today, I decided to talk about myself, and we shall progress from there. I sincerely do not know what you are going through at the moment or what you need an encouragement on. You might also have things troubling your mind; issues of concern which you may find difficult to discuss with anyone solely because you feel they won’t understand or perhaps it is super private to you. But by the time I will be through with this little piece, I pray Jesus will help you to find comfort and answers in between the lines of this tiny piece or article.
My name is Sandra like I guess you already know by visiting my blog, but you see, you really don’t know me by reading few pieces here and there on this page about me.
Most times I prefer writing about myself simply because I believe it will encourage someone. The fact is I find it hard to write about things I know nothing about, so, I assume if I write
So, let’s get to the business of the day. Like I said earlier, I am Sandra by name, the last child in a family of three. I have two elder sisters before me, and naturally you would have expected me being the last child in the family to be the most pampered, loved, and cared for, but the reverse happens to be the case for me. When I was only nine (9) years old, my darling mama passed away after childbirth.
My life never became the same again. I was homeless at age 14, having no roof over my head and no one to care for me. So, the question then would be where was my family; my dad and mostly my older siblings? Well, that is also a question I haven’t been able to answer ever since and decided to throw it away due to lack of an answer.
Anyway, my life took a drastic turn, and by the time I was 15 –
19 the challenges of life and what it brought my way, had made me start feeling like I was 40. Mentally, I became too mature for my age.
By age 20 – 21, my life was a complete hell for me. I was going through a lot; challenges meant for 50 years old perhaps, but obviously too much for a girl of my age.
I was lonely 90% of the time; I had no relatives or friends to care for me, no love life, literally no one. I went into my shell and there in my silence and self-protection, I found comfort.
In my remarkably quiet and lonely life, suicide became
Up until today, I really don’t know how come I survived without doing it. Each time the idea evolved, in my tears and notably lonely life I would always look for a reason to live, and coupled with the fact that self-murder is unrighteousness before God and anyone who kills his/herself is going to hell direct, I couldn’t send myself to hell couple with the hell I was in as at the time.
I became very emotional and exceedingly quiet from my soul. Little things would make me cry. Each time a person came close to me, I would love them with the whole of my heart. I was always scared of rejection, hence, I didn’t go close to people. I preferred they came on their own, and each time a person came close to me either a male or a female, I would love them like life; I would see them as family and cared for them like they were sent from heaven to keep me company.
I have always been an open person, and so to the ladies, over time of their being close, I would be open, tell them few things about myself, but with time I got to realize how loosed tongue most ladies were. I prefer to tell my story myself than someone else tell it for me. Hence, I went back to my shell, finding comfort in the four walls of my house.
When the male folks came, the same thing occurs, I would love selflessly, mostly if he asked to be my man, instantly, I would see him as my father, brother and only family. I would be kind to him because I felt that was the right thing to do.
I will instantly forget that he is young, and not a father, and cannot be my father. But then my selfless love, care and kindness in an effort to give to others what I never got, will then make them start seeing me as being “DESPERATE”. My kindness and selfless giving are mistaken for desperation, and to be sincere, no man wants a desperate woman. When a man considers a woman to be desperate, only one thing is possible, if his first aim of coming close was for sex, he’ll quickly get it and leave. If it’s money he wanted, he will start making demands to have it and leave. If his intention wasn’t right; whatever he had come for, like a thief he would quickly want to get it and leave. But thank God, I have a no sex policy which kept me safe from issues relating to sex outside of wedlock.
Anyway, at the end, when they leave they'll then realize that it's my nature to be kind not because I am desperate, and 99% of the time, each one who had broken my heart would come begging in an effort to return, but I believe once a rattlesnake is always a rattlesnake. So, I forgive but don't give room for a second chance, because I don't want to be hurt again.
Anyway, at the end, when they leave they'll then realize that it's my nature to be kind not because I am desperate, and 99% of the time, each one who had broken my heart would come begging in an effort to return, but I believe once a rattlesnake is always a rattlesnake. So, I forgive but don't give room for a second chance, because I don't want to be hurt again.
I was so lonely I had cases where I had to beg friends with tears almost dropping from my eyes, to come pay me a visit. Their excuse was, where I lived was too far. But the issue wasn’t with these people. I failed to love myself, perhaps they all saw that; a young girl, who doesn’t love herself. Hence, nobody could love me.
While I made an effort in having people around me, being generous to them in trying to keep them, they saw that I didn't love myself, so, they could not love me.
Years went by as I kept trying to win people, trying more to be kinder and give more than I had given in the past. Each time I tried, I only had my heart and spirit broken. When each person was tired collecting my money, they would leave. My heart was constantly been broken. In a year, I suffered tons of heartbreaks. Sadly they always come back to beg...
One day, I decided to stop running after people, but to start running after God. I decided to give all my time to God. I began reading more, spent my spare time writing anything the Lord puts in my heart to write. By spending more time with God, He then showed me how to love myself.
I stopped loving people and began loving myself. I learnt how to create time for myself to love me.
Ø I would sing so loud, using my hairbrush or a comb as my microphone.
Ø I would stand in front of my mirror, wearing just pant, using my comb as my microphone as I sing and dance with my favourite gospel artist trying to sing exactly like him or her.
Ø I also began learning new skills like swimming. Every Saturday I would take myself out to the swimming
In the water staying afloat, I would open my heart to God, asking Him to do with me what He will.
Ø Each weekend, I had different activities to keep me busy. I learnt how to play snooker. So, I would go play it.
The Saturdays I didn’t feel like going to swim or play snooker, I would take a long walk or go see a movie. It continued and with time people began asking me if I changed my job because now l looked happier. Therefore, everyone now wanted to be my friend.
Years passed with me still being single, but now I am not single because people don’t want me, I am single because I am selecting who should be around me. Over the years I have developed myself to be this extremely happy girl that I don’t want certain kinds of people around me anymore. Also, I have developed myself above the class and category of those people who hurt me.
I am grateful to God for everything for with God all things are possible.
Today, when I sat and looked back, I am so grateful to God that I didn’t marry any of those men, who broke my heart. I am more grateful to God more than anything that those relationships didn’t work out. Right now, the level God has brought me to, I cannot imagine being married to any of those guys even with all the monies in this world, but as at then, they seemed like the best option for me.
Daily, I am now thanking God that each of those young men broke my heart; else I would have been 10 times backwards by now. Also, I am grateful to God that I didn’t kill myself, else I wouldn’t have been alive to see this great change in my life.
I really don’t know what you are going through presently, I also may not know the gravity of it, but one thing is certain, with God all things are possible. Suicide as badly as satan wants it, it’s not the best idea. If you kill yourself because you have too many children you cannot feed, when you die, they will starve.
If you die because you have worked for years without being liked or promoted at work, well, if you die, nothing will change, because nobody will promote a dead man or woman. But if you’re alive, you can quite the job and get something better.
If like me, you lack love, and perhaps your boyfriend has broken your heart or young men keep breaking your heart even when you are extremely faithful and nice to them - well if you die, they will feel happy knowing that you are gone. So, nobody to make them feel guilty again. Also, remember that life will continue. But if you choose to stay alive, you can change things for yourself, you can work hard and end up marrying someone greater, such that your Ex may not even qualify to work as a driver for your spouse. Everything is possible only if you stay alive.
I don’t know what you might be phased with right now, but please be encouraged knowing that there are people going through far more worst things somewhere around the globe. So, remember and be encouraged…
Ecclesiastes 9:4
Anyone who is among the living has hope --even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!
Things can change, don’t give up. Be encouraged knowing that you have a God to whom nothing is possible.
Luke 1:37
For with God nothing will be impossible.
He is uncreated, that created all, and He is asking you
Jeremiah 32:27
"I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?
Start focusing your energy on God, and love yourself, everything will just be fine. Nothing bad last for too long, in the end, you will be happy they all happen, because
Romans 8:28 a
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God
So, without God, we can do nothing. Hence, to begin your journey to full recovery and victory on all sides, you have to start by first handing over your life to God. Therefore, if you haven’t given your life to Christ kindly say after me - Lord Jesus, I am a sinner, forgive my sin. Cleanse me with your precious blood. Come into my heart. I accept you as my Lord and personal saviour. Write my name in the book of life. I am born again. Old things are passed away, behold, all things have become new in Jesus name. Amen! 
You can worship with us every Sunday and Thursday at Salvation Ministries Home of Success Plot 17 Birabi Street GRA Phase 1 Port Harcourt, Rivers State, Nigeria or you can watch our services live online @ www.smhos.org Time Sundays 6:0am, 7:30 am, 9:0am, 10:30 am, 12:0pm respectively. Thursdays 4:30pm and 6:15pm (GMT +1)
Please feel free to drop an email if you want us to talk.
God Bless You
Sandra Ikiriko
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